The biggest thing going on in C-Ville right now is the debate over goats. Should goats be allowed in the village or not? Goats are good for pets, food, fur, yard maintenance, and many other things (I guess).
I’m sure one of the goals of allowing goats is so all the perfect super-smart kids (or so the parent will tell you) can have a new pet. A local teen was recently seen with an illegally imported show goat. Seeing more of these youth hanging out at Mudhouse, smoking a cig, and grooming their pets would really be a gas.
Let’s think about this for a bit. Given the fact that people can’t keep their cats and dogs properly locked up do you really think the goats could be kept under control? Not a chance. I’ve even seen a pig running around loose in town, and I also recall that some cows got loose a few years ago from a cattle auction.
Since the goats will be running around I’m sure they will do what pretty much all the locals like to do…breed. In no time at all the village will be a crazed madhouse full of goats (hopefully no goat zombies). Once the goats run out of tin cans, cigarette butts, and baby diapers they’ll have to turn to other sources of food….plants. The grass won’t last very long so they will then look upward to one of our greatest resources – trees. Now, I hate to say this, but goats can climb trees.
Can you just imagine what will happen when they find their way to the downtown mall? This inception-ish video was taken in my mind and shows what many experts think will happen when the city passes a law that allows goats. Are you ready?
Every day since July 3rd has been hot. Burning hot. Not a single day has seen a high below 90. A half dozen days have been over 100.
All will and hope hope have been baked out of the village. I’ve been doing my best (as you can see in the self-portrait) to get powers to provide relief (other than Dominion). Will today be the first day where we don’t see 90? Will hope return to the Charlottesvilleites? Will the village survive?
Years ago a single list maker did a bit too much of what TJ used to do (you all know what I mean) and listed C-Ville as the top city in the United States. What a mistake. For years others have copied him and C-Ville stayed near the top but eventually people forget the idiocy of the past.
Money Magazine came out with their list of the Top 100 Small Cities in the US for 2010. Where do you think C-Ville is? Top 10? Top 20? Keep going. Top 50? Nope. Top 75? Still not there. Top 100? No. They are nowhere to be seen. They aren’t even listed in the “All Cities” which contains many that aren’t ranked.
Why? Let’s examine. Many might think the answer is clear, C-Ville is not a city (as I always say, this place is a village of the damned). If you look closely most of the top 100 had more than our 40,000 residents (if you exclude students it is more like 30,000, and if you include Albeeeehhhmarellleee County it is more like 80,000). Perhaps we were too small. Let’s look instead at the list of Top 100 Small Towns that came out in 2009 (many of the towns are below 10k, others are above 100k). Where are we? Nowhere. Entirely missing.
So the question remains, why are we not included in any lists? Is it our murder rate of hoo-ish things? Bike theft rate? The fact that we don’t have mass transit to our airport? The fact that there is not a single working water fountain in the main (lawsuit-enabled) park in the city (which has no bike lane leading to the it)? Maybe it is the fact that we killed 1200 geese the other day and didn’t let people harvest them for food. Or perhaps the fact that the main feature of our downtown is now a derelict half-built carcass of a luxury hotel where aggressive panhandlers pack it in for the night.
Typical scene on downtown mall.
Let’s get away from all those ludicrous answers and look more closely at what the city may have been up to. We’ve spent the past two months in 90 degree heat. Baking. No humanity can survive in this. I’ve watched brains leaking right out of heads. With all this heat the top issue at the most recent city council (aka village elder council) was snow and cold. The city is a bit upset that locals didn’t shovel 30 inches of snow from their sidewalks within 24 hours. The fact that this was the big topic should say enough.
Looking back on our record breaking snowy winter (we now have record breaking summer heat in progress) it is hard to remember how things looked, but I do. The city didn’t bother plowing the main parking area for the downtown employees. The spots were never plowed…they just waited weeks until things melted. A vast number of “city” sidewalks were never cleared until locals got sick of walking in the middle of the road. Another key factor is that the city loved to plow the entire pile of snow from the street directly in to your sidewalk 2, 3, or more days after the storm. Does that mean you have 24 hours from the time the city plows your street?
Since my brain has leaked from my head in this endless heat/humidity I can’t answer the question of why we aren’t listed.
Or maybe I can. We aren’t a Top 100 city of any size. When looking for a solution, go with the simple one.
After 40 days and 40 nights of 90+ degree heat, the curse has finally broken. They are calling for three straight days below 90. Locals are in a state of panic due to these extreme temperatures. I’ve seen many in winter coats. Silly people…coats are for wimps.
After our recent deforestation due to microbursts from hell, the hot baked roads around here are really in rough shape. Be sure to drive carefully.
As the moon rises in the sky the vast majority of Charlottesville is sitting around watching it – due to a city wide blackout.
Worst hit areas I’ve seen are Hinton/Avon and Rugby/Oxford. UVA has power. Downtown mall has 2 blocks of power. Mas has power. That is about it.
Current estimate for fixing this vast disaster are 3-4 days at best, but psychological recover could take much longer. And I fear for all the restaurants that have no generators…that is a lot of food.
P.S. Why do no locals know the laws associated with non-functioning traffic lights. Learn to read, then try to learn. Skip the fish stuff.
This has been the hottest June in the history of the village, even if the temperature doesn’t get to 90 again this month. Luckily, the forecast is for 95ish degrees for the next 10 days, so there is no doubt we will bake.
Rumors have been circulating that the wind may blow, and that only means one thing…the power will go. Village elders haven’t publicly stated it, but there are rumblings that we are living on the cutting edge of power here in the village, and it may be getting worse.
During the rest of this summer they are thinking of doing rolling blackouts across the village to prevent circuits from blowing. Soon we’ll have power on the north side of the mall on even days, south side on odd. The ramifications of this disaster are unimaginable. Let’s face it, one side of the mall is good, the other is evil (even The Hook and C-Ville are on opposite sides). If I get forced to have to visit the evil side I won’t be happy.
The most dangerous part of this baked bean summer is trying to not get crushed by the falling IQ’s. They are falling all around. As locals wander around in this heat for their fourth cig of the morning the brain cells start to die from the excessive heat (plus cigs). It’s scary. Be sure to bring a brain cell umbrella with you whenever you have to venture outside (although being outside is not advisable until November when the weather changes).
We’ve had a bit of snow this year in C-Ville and the city likes to think it is doing a good job to help us citizens in this perfect town, but what are they doing to commuters? For some odd reason the city refuses to clear out the lanes where commuters park. They tell locals they can park in the parking ramps, and then bill them for it.
In this picture you can see the main road where hundreds of people park every single day. How many cars do you see? That’s right…none. Snow entirely covers ALL the parking for the downtown area.
Picture taken Tuesday evening…four days after our Friday storm.
On the weekend the city has been offering free parking in the ramps, but that always seems to end on Monday mornings. Apparently the city elders don’t care about this situation. They all have their parking spots in the ramps that the taxpayers pay for, and figure commuters will just park at Barrack’s Road Mall and spend 2 hours on a bus to get to their jobs downtown.
Several commuters told me that they have been talking with the city trying to get the free ramp times extended until the parking lanes are cleared. Apparently they don’t like that idea, since they don’t want the garage to become overly crowded (typically it is at 40% capacity during the day).
Others say that all the money they make during the day will be used to cover parking costs rather than feed their babies. They also can’t afford to pump any money into the local economy since they can’t buy food from local eateries.
Is this situation good for anyone? Local businesses are losing money, commuters are getting in extremely late which is destroying productivity, no one wants to shop on the mall, and the city is losing lots of money since police can’t write as many parking tickets.
Last night we had a dusting of snow. There are a few flakes out on the street and the city has declared a parking emergency so all streets are now a no parking zone, yet the ramps aren’t free. The economy will continue to crumble. There are rumors that this may be due to the tribal warfare that has started between the city and the surrounding county. C-Ville is trapped in enemy territory, and some think this might be a sneak attack at those that don’t live inside the sugar walls…but that story will be continued at a later time.
Village elders…listen to the public and make the parking ramps free until the streets are cleared. You can’t expect us to eat your tainted cake every single day (and babies don’t seem to like it either). And do you really want commuters to continue to crap when they see their daily parking options?
Update: Over the weekend the parking was free in the garages due to the 15 inch storm that started Friday. On Monday morning they began charging once again despite the fact that no streets had been cleared. On Tuesday at 1pm the parking ban (on streets which only have short term parking) started due to the storm of the day (a big 3 inches), and the garage became free again. On Wednesday at 2pm they started charging once again for the garage. As of Wednesday evening not a single parking spot on Garrett has been cleared. What are the chances the road will be cleared by tomorrow? Friday?
We all know the people around here have a tough time walking further than the distance from their front door to their car door (as is evidence by the recent snow and the fact that no one could walk to a grocery store), but the Olympics are always fun to watch (especially with beer in hand). If you locals want to continue to be lazy you should at least browse over a bit to support Team USA.
This Friday February 12, the world will gather to watch top athletes from around the globe compete in the Winter Olympic Games in Vancouver. Our athletes from Team USA, who have been training their entire lives will take the stage to represent our country. I’m hoping that you could share the news about Team USA to get some excitement going.
Anyone who registers on Teamusa.org will have access to the latest info and will receive exclusive updates throughout the games.
Now I can consider myself on the “good” list for X-mas next year
In recent months the ‘Kill Whitey’ graffiti artist has been enjoying their freedom of expression (I bet TJ would love to do a bottle of wine with him/her). Village elders used to take weeks to eradicate the paintings, but that improved with the most recent sketch.
Although I’m not a graffiti artist expert (although I have played one on TV), I think he/she may have been back at work during our recent snowstorm. This lovely art is now up on a building near the Avon Street Bridge where the historic buildings were bulldozed.
Zooming in a bit gives a great sense of the importance of the art.
Is the image trying to show sadness and despair for the destruction of history, or is the artist feeling suicidal due to the fact that his/her work continues to be erased from the planet? I guess that doesn’t really matter. All that matters is how long will it take the village to eradicate this latest artwork?
Although I had to kill a bear to stay warm, I managed to get back home after snapping a few photos. One thing of interest is the state of transit in the village. Things were still moving early in the afternoon, but not much seemed to be moving later.
I also found it fascinating to watch people just walk in the middle of the road (on main roads) and totally ignore the fact that vehicles are allowed to drive in the road. On several occasions motorist tried to explain this to people and voices became raised.
