outskirts: life and times in charlottesville

The smiley face appears one day (March 26th). Sneer…maybe that is a better description.

And it is gone the next.

It only took 22 hours to catch a sniper. Why can’t we find this painter? This painter seems to be costing us a lot of cash.

I like how the city painting crew had to add the arch at the top to cover up where the eyebrow had been.

Speaking of signs, the city now wants to spend all my property taxes on new signs. Apparently people can’t find the downtown. So in the next four years C-Ville needs to spend ONE MILLION DOLLARS on signs. I think they should spend the money teaching people how to read. Perhaps if more money had been spent education the sniper would have been able to read that shooting at cars, people, and banks is illegal. Or maybe a sign indicating that you can’t shoot at cars.

If the city wants the most cost effective and creative solution, why can’t they just pay the smiley face gang minimum wage to put up a boat load of signs all around the area showing people how to get here? I bet that would run below 50k/year, and that would be a tremendous tourist attraction.

Looks like (or should I say feels like) a week of hell took me down. Snot is shooting out of my nose like breeder results from C-Ville breeders. I can feel the tickle in the nose and throat. It woke me up.

A pity I’ll now feel like utter crap for the next few weeks. Everyone that has gotten sick in this plague-infested/ground zero village has been taken down for at least 2 weeks.

I avoided it all year, but one week of true hell seems to have shut down my immunity. Say hello to nights full of kleenex and days full of blurry functionality. Guess it is time to go try to spread the plague at hoity toity (aka Harris Teeter) while buying my week of food for $25 or less (that is all I can afford after the village has sucked me dry by raising property taxes by 14%…can you say recession?…not in the heart of the village).

In the 10 miler (record number of runners) I ran it in 78 minutes. 4 minutes slower than last year, but with my lack of running this spring, and deathly stress from work I’m somewhat amazed I survived. My longest run since the marathon last November was a mere 3 days ago…9 miles at a 9:46 pace. I picked up the pace a bit for the race

Now time to nap.

Late last night shots rang out for freedom. A sniper started shooting at cars driving along I-64. People got shot and were taken to the hospital. The highway was closed for most of the night. Schools are closed today. If you see a sniper walking around, be sure to call authorities.

In an exclusive phone message from the sniper, outskirts got the following statement on the outskirts bat phone early yesterday evening.

C-Ville hasn’t been getting ranked high enough in magazines lately. We have sunk down in to the lower teens, or even unlisted. I really feel we need to work our way back to the top spot, and by cutting down on the number of people ruining this area I figure we’ll go back up. Right?

People want this place to grow, have sports, and play. That is stupid. We have to stay the way we used to be. Small. Tiny. Insignificant.

And what the hell is up with the smoking rules. I need at least three packs a day. I tried to go to Enoteca and Hamilton’s last night [before the shooting] and they told me I couldn’t smoke out on their patio while drinking. Everyone should be able to inhale carcinogens I produce. Since I can’t kill them like that, I guess I’ll just head out and target non-smokers [hacking sounds for about 30 seconds]

Now, where are my eight rifles and ammo bought from a Virginia store via the internet. [phone slams down]

With this sniper running loose I guess we’ll stay small. I guess this shows the power of the common man where we all have common wealth.

Update: Fox and the Associated Press have picked up the story.

I could barely tolerate looking at this article that talked about how C-Ville is currently the best place in the universe. According to the local experts it says everyone loves living here, life is a daily high, no one is unemployed, jobs are everywhere, and this area is vibrant.

I really wonder what area they were talking about. I can state with certainty that not everyone loves living here. Many are stuck for multiple reasons. Many want out. Life is not a high…it is just an existence. Unemployment is a very arbitrary term, and the folks that sit on the mall all day aren’t counted as unemployed, but aren’t working (unless you count begging as a job). As for being a vibrant area…I guess you could call it that if you think daily life from the 50’s is vibrant. A kid in every pot, a diaper on every street.

Perhaps the most telling part of the article is that the word crowd is used four times in the short article. A crowd of course is 40 people. Ooooh…I’ve seen more people than that being chased by cops in Belmont. Which 40 people represent the community? Some rich boys over at UVA?

The local area still seems excited that many years ago there was a typo in Frommer’s which ranked this village #1. That has never happened again. Despite what the PR machine thinks around here, we are NOT ranked numero uno.

At least they conclude that this area is destined to collapse. You’ve gotta tell them! C-Ville PR is people! We’ve gotta stop them somehow!

Image of C-Ville as it begins to head towards chaos.

I ran the Run for Life 5k this weekend. I got there rather late and after getting registered I had 30 seconds to get my number pinned on my chest and get to the start line. I’d been in DC for most of the week and hadn’t exercised at all (other than miles of walking). Morning of race… No warm up. No water. No breakfast. No nothing….except for 4 martinis the night before. Needless to say, the run didn’t go very well. Right around 22:40. My thighs still hurt a bit. Not a good sign.

The 10 miler is this coming weekend. Everyone in C-Ville runs it. I haven’t yet registered. I wonder if they have sold out of bibs. I’ll try to register, but if not possible I’ll just run my standard 10 mile course that morning…which just happens to follow that same course If I can get under 88 minutes I’d be happy. That would be my worst time ever in the race. I’m really not in very good running shape right now. Oh well.

I’m down to 157. Slowly working down to 150. I don’t feel very lively though. I think it is spring allergies that do nothing but make me tired every spring. A few sneezes…but 99% is a body attack. Fall is the sneezing season for me.

This weekend I noticed Sal was out taking care of his own sidewalk. My guess is that he was threatened with a lawsuit since his servers have to walk on the “pedestrian” mall which is considered a true danger for women, pets, and old people. I’m willing to say I have been witness to at least one trip every single day I’ve been on the mall.

The city continues to say it will repair the mall, but we have yet to see that such a thing could get done. When they tried to do one block the 2 month job became 8, and the cost tripled. Now think about that for the entire mall.

Anyone feel like getting a class action lawsuit going?

And…believe it or not…a restaurant on the mall has now decided their outdoor seating is going smoke free. Erotica (aka Enoteca) had signs on their outdoor tables when I strolled by this weekend. They are also applying for a full bar license, so vodka may be showing up in the near future. When that happens I hereby pledge a minimum of $350 to their coffers for my summertime spending.

Too much too blog. So many good stories to talk about, but heading out of town for the week (or at least bits and pieces of the week). Won’t have much time to blog.

If interested you should browse through local news. A small incident with a flag in our ‘world class’ city sparked riots in Tibet. Hard to believe we started that, but we do like to take credit for things.

UVA mens hoop won’t be in the NCAA big show, they probably won’t be in the NIT, but they will definitely be in the new show that is even lower than the NIT (of course they are still hoping for the puny show NIT).

More people are getting shot in town.

Despite a recession the property assessments in Belmont go up by 14% so the city will be able to buy houses for the poor (can you say oxymoron?).

Two cartoons over at UVA have once again shown that crazy religious people control this state and UVA (what is wrong with “Virgin” Mary?). Cartoons will now be edited by the Pope (aka Oprah).

And rather than make it safe for pedestrians trying to cross 29, the county will add more roads and add car dealerships to both side. Buy a car or die. “We can’t afford to let people cross,” said an anonymous person in Ahhalahalahbeerrrmarrrrriillle.

The Local seemed to be going for a bit of a “feel” of an Eastern European bistro when they opened (three days ago that is). They had two tiki torches out in front of the restaurant that gave the place a nice feel as you walked in. Very warm and comforting.

Perhaps a bit too warm. The Fire Marshal stopped by this evening and the torches were gone within a minute.

Will we ever see the torches again? Did The Local not have a permit? Were the torches too close to the sidewalk? Would Queen have been able to put out the fire so quickly as the fire marshal did? These questions and more will be answered…on the next episode.

The Local did their second soft opening this evening. Everyone and anyone that is someone was there. Food was half price. Mmmm….

Tomorrow is the official opening. I have a feeling this place will be around for awhile. The interior is gorgeous! It has a “date” atmosphere when the lights get dim and every table has a candle. Classic rock was playing at a nice subdued level. The menu/food could use a bit of tweaking. The wine I chose was quite good for the price. Service was superb, staff was very friendly. The bar is really nice, and when they get the upstairs bar/patio going later in the year it will be a great happy hour location (bar opens at 5, food at 5:30). Interior is smoke free. Not sure about the 2nd floor patio. Might be a few tables getting put out front when the weather gets warm.