outskirts: life and times in charlottesville

C-Ville tribal elders love claiming that C-Ville is tops in this and tops in that. I’m sure they will be happy that we are no where to be found in the Best Small Cities in America for 2008 list.

Why are we not in there? Well, that is an easy answer. We don’t qualify as a small city. To be a small city you have to have 50k to 300k people. C-Ville only has around 39.9k. The elders had to fight the government over this number, so they will claim 41k but we know that isn’t the case.

Where is the list for Best Villages in America? I bet we are in that list. Of course the local gang activity (for 12-14 year old bangers) or mob beatings (involving guns and high-heeled shoes as weapons!) of the village might hurt our chances. Just never leave your house after 8pm and the village is lovely…right?

From earlier today at the AT&T store. Thanks to Tipster T for passing these along. The line wrapped around the building.

The big question remains…will scenario #2 occur? Will Bertha go right through C-Ville?

Big clouds are here and there. Will anything hit the village?

Update: The storms have built a bit.

Scattered showers and thunderstorms will affect north-central Maryland as well as northern and central Virginia…including the far northern and western suburbs of Washington DC through 7:30 PM. Thunderstorms will contain frequent lightning and locally heavy downpours. Some of the stronger thunderstorms will be capable of producing small hail…wind gusts up to 40 mph…and rainfall rates over one inch per hour. The best chance for the strongest storms will be across central Virginia…near Charlottesville.

A bit dark. I love it.

Yesterday evening we had a lovely little torrential thunderstorm decide to camp out on top of C-Ville. I’d never had DirecTV out for so long before. Nearly 40 minutes. I thought I might die being stuck in this village with no satellite feed.

This morning on my one drive/week I noticed a tree had decided to lose its grip on the soaked soil. If this had taken the wires down I’m sure the entire village would have had no power for at least a week. Luckily, the wires held strong.

The 4th of July is here. Bush will be landing soon. Rumor has it he’ll be landing at Monticello High School, and you had better not be at school doing any research or anything else (such as enjoying a morning Breakfast Club).

The authorities won’t announce the exact roads will be closed, but they are shutting down two roads that are the ways to get to downtown from the hills beyond Monticello (such as the lake) without doing a 2 hour tour for what should be a 20 minute trip. Good thing gas is so cheap.

Locals have claimed they will protest, but I have a feeling it will be three people, since locals talk but don’t really act. Talk, and talk, and talk…they love that.

I’m going to go run. I hope I don’t get shot.

Milano has left the “I put the Kabbash on you” strip mall on Main (will that last another year?) and will be opening up tomorrow morning right next to South Street Brewery. Has Milano raised their prices drastically as the other mall-based caffeine establishments have in the past few months?

I hope they don’t take any bullets through their window. They’ll be on the block where this Obama sign has been used to plug the bullet hole in a window since last year.

Anyone notice all the military helicopters zipping around our skies today? I guess things are getting set up for the visit of Bush. As always, Virginia probably feels inferior to Texas as far as guns go. Of course, I don’t think Texas can top the VT exhibition of gun power. The locals love Bush and are probably polishing all their guns now.

Rather than fight for tickets I think I’ll sit around thinking about much more important things…the future of the Dump Bowel Movement (DBM) band. The sax player got seriously injured doing some off roading. Is Crapshaw shitting his pants wondering if royalties will go up or down?

Other notes of the day: How many remember the guy getting a cup of coffee and then robbing a bank one block from the police station? You may remember what used to be in there before that bank… Enterprise Travel. Just before the bank moved in they had that lovely mall-front location. As things tightened up they moved in below the bank (next to the safe that was put in). Well, last Friday they printed out their last airplane ticket, and shut down the engine. Hard to see how travel agencies can stay in business today.

In local media, the C-Ville promoted taking breeder results to a local sushi/martini establishment, as well as every other place on the mall. They love those stupid breeder results around here. Change diapers on tables, let them run around everywhere, have them smoke cigs, ignore them as they grab at the crotch of innocent civilians…the list goes on. If you aren’t going to fill up the breeder results with a martini, keep them locked up. As I recall, juvenile detention centers are the best place for your results. Are all the breeders around here crazy? Perhaps they should all raise kids that shoot at cars for fun on 64.

I’ve been asked nine times in the past two weeks as I read the NYTimes during Sunday brunch, “Where can I get one of those?” I basically responded that you can’t get one on the mall. There is also only one machine that gets the Washington Post on Sunday. Why can’t this supposedly educated village get a god damned newspaper that has more than one stupid “feel good about the village” story (you know…the Daily Regress)? Why did the rich guy who used to be a big whig from Playboy give up on his newspaper stand? Did he realize this village is full of idiots?

Are you all happy that utilities went up 18% today? That goes so well with my property assessment going up 16% (or more) for the past four years in a row. Have the village elders not realized we are in a depression? I really wonder how they live with themselves. I guess they are so rich they just don’t give a shit. This is a true have or have not community.

I saw four guys dressed up in Confederate outfits over by UVA today with rifles. What the f*ck was up with that? Is the South about to rise again? Was that the secret service getting ready to protect Bush? Are you allowed to run around with rifles anywhere you want if you have on a Confederate uniform?

I really hate to see the bums in town that have dogs. They mistreat them so much. One guy beat the crap out of his dog today when it barked. What was I to do? Go after the guy that probably has five guns on him, or at least three knives? I took the loser way out and decided not to die today. The dogs don’t deserve that. I guess that is part of Virginia. The Vick syndrome.

I really need a drink. C-Ville does that to people.