outskirts: life and times in charlottesville

(Charlottesville News Corp) U of Virginny decided to ban signs at all campus events, and an unfortunate incident occurred during the first football game of the year.

Apparently no one had told the cheerleaders or the horse that signs were banned. The local enforcement officers were on the scene and took the proper actions. The cheerleaders were arrested, and the main sign leader will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Drugs were used to get a full confession out of the horse.

Authorities have decided to not euthanize the horse, but it will no longer be allowed to work in C-Ville. Rumor has it that horse will do some hair dyeing and take a new job where it can carry a Seminole in to football games.

One fan said rather bluntly, “College football isn’t really college football anymore.”

Several photos were acquired both before and after the mayhem.

What would TJ think if the local students couldn’t live up to unbelievably low things called standards of learning? My guess is he is rolling around in his grave right now. We know he used to love spanking people (if you know what I mean), and I’m sure he would tell the teacher to pull out a paddle since locals are spending more time twiddling and not enough time studying.

Time to update the village propaganda. I have a feeling it will say something like, “Charlottesville student scores go beyond SOL’s. They think outside the box and make their own standards. TJ felt this was the best approach, and so do local parents…”

I guess I should go learn how to spell All-be-mah-errl now. I believe that is a standard.

Looks like the Blue Ridge Country Store will be extending its hours starting next week. The rumor is that it will remain open until 5pm, and keep the salad bar open until the same time.

Looks like my dinner time salads can now be bought rather than made! Sounds like a good deal to me.

In typical C-Ville fashion I have gotten this info from a reliable source:

… the woman who claimed she had been bitten by a stray pit bull has been charged with filing a false report. She was bitten by her own dog. She also claimed that she was getting rabies shots.

Hmm…I wonder if I should ever claim that the groundhog that lives in my back yard attacked me. Speaking of which, I startled it when I was coming home the other evening and it climbed up in to a tree. I’d never seen that before.

I just got word that the pit bull that attacked a woman on Sunday is still on the loose. From a high level source, “The dog is unidentified and still on the loose. The woman has begun the rabies series of injections.”

Stay off the streets!

Why has it taken the village 40 years to build a 2 mile long road? Why did they need to go through a park to build the road? Has no one been able to think coherently in this village in all these years?

It is now scheduled to begin in two years. Anyone want to bet it won’t happen until 2014 at the earliest?

I bet TJ would have built the road rather quickly…and used really cheap labor.

No, not the bar, just the sound of a few bullets on another evening in the village. Two men shot. White t-shirts.

Remember, never trust anyone in a white t-shirt.

I am constantly surprised that people still try to cross streets here in the village. Don’t you realize the only way to get from your front door to your mailbox is by driving your big beautiful car?

Perhaps the downtown mall is going out of business due to the lack of roads on it. I do like that the city puts good PR on it. “Just about everything you see on the mall is to one extent or another in negotiations, in progress of approvals,” said an official. I guess McD’s is looking to open a few places on the mall….and all need a drive-through.

Get your stinking feet off me, you damn dirty pedestrians.

Every time I go in to the downtown post office I get a good laugh at this one. I think the words got swapped. Will this sign become as famous as the upside-down airplane stamp?

Hot or not? Hot.