This week was brutal. Insomnia set in on Monday evening. Since then I’ve gotten less than 4 hours of sleep each night. Four days I was in work by 5am. Nightmares of the tasks due by the end of the year won’t stop. It just won’t get done. What will happen during annual reviews? Will I get canned?
I got a major problem solved around 2pm today. By 5 I was off at happy hour. I’m a bit surprised I can still type. Tomorrow I’ll try to limit work to just five hours or so. Why do I do this. I don’t know. Should I worry about money? Should I worry about having health insurance? Should I even care?
I don’t know how much longer I can take the 16 hours/day of work lifestyle, where the tasks never reach an endpoint. There is always more that must be done by tomorrow. Should I stop caring? Work is more like a crypt, where everyone is in their own coffin. Words and breaths are few. All seem to be in a catatonic state, overloaded with work.
I hope I don’t have any nightmares as I fade in to slumber in an hour or two.
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Doc I thought you loved your job - jeez - I am sad for you. Maybe time to try a headhunter - ask JJ - he knows - you do too I am sure.
You have the intelligence - experience - talent - gad they would be crazy to let you go.
In this case tho it is much more important - what do YOU want? Perhaps it’s time to sell the house - find a job elsewhere - simplify - Other than what you are doing - what elso can you do - Photography? Web Design? I should say what do you really WANT to do? Are you in a place financially - that you can start over? All questions are of course rhetorical. You don’t have to answer to answer to anyone but yourself.
Finding a sense of peace in your life is very important. Make a list of what you don’t want to do - then a list of what you want to do - finally a list of regarding what is financially feasable/if not presently feasable - how long will it be before it will BE.
Life if full of stress - it is the dis-stress that your going thru that seems so damn overwhelming - IMHO - what ever you do - do something good for yourself. Me thinks you needed a 6 month vacation with pay.
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Remember that life is what happens - when you’re busy making other plans… JL
Take care and Be safe…
I guess she brings up a good point, with a doctorate in nuclear physics, what CAN you do?? Haha… I find teaching is rewarding, after the day job ends. You have acquired many additional skills since you were a prof in Newhaven, CT. Management skills, skills at providing teachers and students with quality tools for learning. I would imagine that you would want to be very low key, even in your blog, about discussing too much detail. I know how surprised I was when my boss said he read my blog to make sure “things were ok with me.” [I have tried to act much more sane since then!]
This week any better? I was sick today and stayed home. I still kept up on email and problems though. I think I am going to start watching my friend’s team, the Colts. They seem to be consistent and I like Payton Manning. (He’s no Dan, but, who is?)
Just checking in - hope you are in a safe peaceful space.
;) 
Blessings… ME