outskirts: life and times in charlottesville

One of the things that continues to amaze me is that the Commissioner of the Revenue here in can’t accept credit card payments when they bill you for things. They still make you carry a pocketful of coins. The coins are then placed on a big scale against “calibrated” weights. When the gold coins are piled high enough they say you have paid enough.

Who checks the calibrated weights? Can we burn a witch?

Why can’t this village accept that new technology called credit cards? I guess they are rather new…since they weren’t used until the 1920’s. That is brand-spanking-new-fangled-f*cking-high-tech dude. No way. Show me money says the man, cash in the hand is better than plastic in a groove.

This is what you see when paying a bill in Charlottesville City Hall

Like everyone that lives in C-Ville, the ultimate goal for every weekend is to get out of hell (i.e. leave the village). I did a long weekend down in sunny (and cool for a change) Florida. Today was the return trip. Life was good until I got on board the plane heading back to the village from Dulles. A mere 24 minute flight. Should be simple.

But first step back one hour. I had a bit more than an hour to kill so I was wandering around getting some snacks (Dulles might be the most reasonably priced airport food in the country). For the first time I noticed the outdoor “smoking cages” that people were standing in. These were literally cages attached to the side of the building on big metal support beams sticking out of the wall. I’d seen the nice cloudy rooms where smokers like to hang out (bonus smoke is good…right?). I was wondering if two people went in there with just one cigarette would a cage match start? Forty quatloos on the Virginian.

Now jump ahead one hour and ten minutes. Our puny little twin prop plane is about to take off. The stewardess (not the right term..but can’t remember what is proper) goes through the standard spiel…no smoking, no getting up when the seat belt sign is on, fasten seat belt, use emergency exits in an emergency…you know the story. She sits in the front row and the plane make it in to the air.

About three minutes later (on a 24 minute flight) a gentleman near the back of the plane heads in to the restroom. A moment later the steward gets a call on the pilot phone (similar to a bat phone). She answers, and immediately heads back to the restroom. At the same time we get the announcement that there has been a malfunction with a smoke detector on our plane, and we are heading back to good old Dulles.

It all seemed a tad suspicious. What was the C-Ville-ite doing in the can? Why did the steward run back so quickly?

As we get back on the ground we head back off the plane. Beside the ground support folks tossing our bags around, there were two men with sidearms and a really cute German Shepherd (cute as in…it looks like it could eat you). I patiently waited for my carryon bag to be pulled out of cargo. When the man that had gone in to the restroom came out the two men chatted with him, and then cuffed him. The steward handed the men a pack of cigarettes and a book of matches.

Apparently the pilot (aka commissioner Gordon) had used the bat phone to let the steward know that the smoke alarm in the restroom had gone off.

We were told the plane needed a bit of mechanical work to repair the smoke detector, so we got to sit around for about an hour.

I’m so glad to be back in a village. If only he had managed to wait another 21 minutes to light up that cigarette. It would have saved me two hours. Maybe he should look at the latest news that smoking wrinkles your entire body, not just your face. I seem to recall Kramer learned about that a few years ago.

When will I next get out of dodge? If I’m like everyone else around here it will probably be this weekend…but instead I guess I’ll be running a 5k. Hmm…would a cigarette help? Can I wait until I finish my 5k. That will take about 21 minutes. I’ll try.

Is this madness when summer arrives at this time of year? Or is that just the meaning of March Madness? I have to get around to picking the teams in a few pools I’m in.

Sunset in C-Ville, a shot from my Flickr photos.

The Martha Jefferson 8k race took place Saturday morning. I got there just as they were saying go. I went. I never felt comfortable during the entire race. No pace felt right. I managed to finish in 36ish minutes.

I really don’t feel ready for the 10 miler this year.

The Best Walking Cities for 2007 have been released. Charlottesville is not in the Top 100. Those fabulous walking cities such as Stockton, CA and Newark, NJ rank above us.

What can the village elders do about this? Perhaps spending $20,000 to come up with a new city song about walking. “Walk this way…schoolgirl sweetie with a class kinda sassy…little skirt’s climbin’ way up the knee…there was three young ladies in the school gym locker…” Do I now get $20,000?

Since C-Ville likes to think it is as good as Austin (actually the village seem to think it is better than Austin) they will have to do a lot to climb from the scrap heap to #2 on the list. Can it be done? Maybe they should first work on beating the three other cities in Virginia: Virginia Beach, Chesapeake, and Norfolk (is that where big boats and planes sit?).

Now, start expanding 29 and put in some crosswalks.

The first goal of Charlottesville walkability is shown above (#100 on the list).

I’m sure every single person in C-Ville is currently watching House, since the most popular person in the history of this village is on that show playing a musical savant. Will he be cured? Will House kill him?

Since C-Ville ranks #186 out of 210 in TV viewing markets (down one from last year), I wonder if everyone in town is gathered up around their sets like in the Waltons (of course, that show was here in Virginny).

A pity that the local station doesn’t broadcast in HDTV. Maybe then I would watch it.

It has been an active week of clearing house for the Fins. After many years with bad coaches and bad organizational decisions, the Fins are cleaning out the cages. Three offensive lineman were cut, the leading wide receiver was traded, the starting QB from last season was cut, and the top tight end in the history of the Fins was cut. The Fins have also let several free agents leave with no discussion.

A new offensive team might surprise a few people next year…since even the fans don’t know who will be playing at any position. Many new players. Young and hungry for wins. So long as they at least play hard so the games aren’t snoozers…that will get me pumped. They haven’t done that for many, many years.

Another weekend in the village, shootings, shootings, and armed robbery. Is anyone else getting bored by the same stories every weekend?

I heard that the local stations may get HDTV before 2009. Oh wait…that is the same old story. It goes along well with the one I’ve been hearing for almost a decade - we will get a modern movie theater. Or maybe I’m thinking of the story that says we might not have a daily blackout. And I also heard one about an old building getting modernized.

Different day. Same story. Same story. Same story.

The incessant noise of children in this family driven village is mind numbing. The one thing I always overhear, such as when parents are changing diapers on the table at unnamed pizza place on the mall, are parents constantly telling their kids how special they are. Parents constantly tell the kids how smart they are, and that they can do anything they want in life once they finish school.

Perhaps that explains why this village has such an attitude problem. The village is so special. It can do anything it wants when it grows up.