It was a long night watching the results pour in, but I’m sorry to say that after my long and arduous campaign the final tally did not turn out the way my supporters and I had been hoping (insert mixture of boos and applause).
40,000 of our great citizens (does anyone really believe that many live here?) live here, and a whopping 5,000 of them made it out to vote. Of those 5,000 I managed to rake in a bit less than 2%. If just a few more of our great citizens had rolled out of bed I’m sure the final results would have been different.
Perhaps in the next election. Rest up. Sleep in. And then get out to vote next year…for Outskirts Guy (insert lots of cheers and clapping here).
