outskirts: life and times in charlottesville

My first marathon is just around the corner. Saturday morning I’ll see if my body feels lively enough to run 26.2 miles. I’ve been training since July and my iPod tells me I’ve done about 460 miles since then. The longest official race I’ve ever done is a half marathon. My longest training run was just under 22 miles. This week I’ve been drinking lots and lots of water.

My goal is to finish in less than four hours. Guess I’ll know if I succeeded by noon on Saturday. For those that know me you can try to search for me on the Live Results page (not sure if my times will show up in the quick search during the race, or if you have to sign up for the live tracking).

If I live through the journey I’m sure I’ll let you know about my time by Sunday when I’ll get to watch the Dolphins attempt to win their first game of the year. First marathon. First win? Could both happen this weekend?

It was a long night watching the results pour in, but I’m sorry to say that after my long and arduous campaign the final tally did not turn out the way my supporters and I had been hoping (insert mixture of boos and applause).

40,000 of our great citizens (does anyone really believe that many live here?) live here, and a whopping 5,000 of them made it out to vote. Of those 5,000 I managed to rake in a bit less than 2%. If just a few more of our great citizens had rolled out of bed I’m sure the final results would have been different.

Perhaps in the next election. Rest up. Sleep in. And then get out to vote next year…for Outskirts Guy (insert lots of cheers and clapping here).

One thing I always hate about election days is the fact that people running for office put up a ton of signs on the sidewalks leading to the polling stations. Sometimes the people themselves are out there still begging for vote.

If you vote for Outskirts Guy I’d be sure that never happens again.

Campaign sign just feet from a polling station in Virginia.

As we all know, the C-Ville election has already been decided. If a democrat is running, the democrat wins (with the one time wonder…The Devil). The Police (band…not public servants) are trying to mess with the election by having a concert over at UVA right next to a voting location. Since democrats all go to see The Police, can a republican sneak in? We’ll see.

In any event, I am officially announcing that I am running for any office on your ballot. Write in Outskirts Guy as the best write in candidate in the history of the village (or for state level positions you out there in the county can also vote for me…if you can read this…).

GET OUT AND VOTE FOR ME!!!!!!! Show that democracy still works.

Sincerely,
Outskirts Guy

Another week has rolled by in the village. Not much going on. Atomic Burrito has closed. The potential for having a stadium seating theater has evaporated in to mist, since the mall they were going to build is just a flat chunk of land and the developer said things are in “hiatus.”

There has been no evidence of groundbreaking on the Boxer Learning building that has sat empty/for lease/for sale/for roaches on the mall for the past four years. Where is our fancy hotel? The ludicrous one-way 4th street underpass is still one-way. Someone put a giant dildo out on the 250 bypass. I think that is the art project they keep going here in town. I wonder how much the artist got to set up that 20 foot tall dildo.

The mall was packed with people all weekend. Parents, kids, and usually a cigarette in at least one persons hand. The freedom wall was busy. One side of it had hawkers tables set up in front of it selling all that usual crap that they sell on the mall. On the other side a gate was set up, and only people below 12 were allowed to enter the area. Not much freedom on that wall. I guess they erased the graffiti that said “I wish I was having as much fun as the guy f*cking my wife” that I noticed written on Friday. That was pretty funny at 8am.

I’ll have much more significant news tomorrow…or will I?