Three people go in, how many come out? Rather than a cage match the popular game here in the village seems to be a van match. Send them in to a van with a gun (every van has to have a gun in it here in VA..it’s a law!) and see who walks out.
Be sure to tune in to the Ultimate Village Wide Van Match. Now available on PPV for $79.95 (save 20% if you order by yesterday).
The smiley face appears one day (March 26th). Sneer…maybe that is a better description.
And it is gone the next.
It only took 22 hours to catch a sniper. Why can’t we find this painter? This painter seems to be costing us a lot of cash.
I like how the city painting crew had to add the arch at the top to cover up where the eyebrow had been.
Speaking of signs, the city now wants to spend all my property taxes on new signs. Apparently people can’t find the downtown. So in the next four years C-Ville needs to spend ONE MILLION DOLLARS on signs. I think they should spend the money teaching people how to read. Perhaps if more money had been spent education the sniper would have been able to read that shooting at cars, people, and banks is illegal. Or maybe a sign indicating that you can’t shoot at cars.
If the city wants the most cost effective and creative solution, why can’t they just pay the smiley face gang minimum wage to put up a boat load of signs all around the area showing people how to get here? I bet that would run below 50k/year, and that would be a tremendous tourist attraction.
Late last night shots rang out for freedom. A sniper started shooting at cars driving along I-64. People got shot and were taken to the hospital. The highway was closed for most of the night. Schools are closed today. If you see a sniper walking around, be sure to call authorities.
In an exclusive phone message from the sniper, outskirts got the following statement on the outskirts bat phone early yesterday evening.
C-Ville hasn’t been getting ranked high enough in magazines lately. We have sunk down in to the lower teens, or even unlisted. I really feel we need to work our way back to the top spot, and by cutting down on the number of people ruining this area I figure we’ll go back up. Right?
People want this place to grow, have sports, and play. That is stupid. We have to stay the way we used to be. Small. Tiny. Insignificant.
And what the hell is up with the smoking rules. I need at least three packs a day. I tried to go to Enoteca and Hamilton’s last night [before the shooting] and they told me I couldn’t smoke out on their patio while drinking. Everyone should be able to inhale carcinogens I produce. Since I can’t kill them like that, I guess I’ll just head out and target non-smokers [hacking sounds for about 30 seconds]
Now, where are my eight rifles and ammo bought from a Virginia store via the internet. [phone slams down]
With this sniper running loose I guess we’ll stay small. I guess this shows the power of the common man where we all have common wealth.
Update: Fox and the Associated Press have picked up the story.
On the national level there are now more than 1% of people in prison here in the good old USA. The highest level in history. I’d be willing to bet that number is higher here in Central Virginia. Between drugs, bootleg DVD’s, and serial rapists we seem to have a lot around here. Yet another one was caught today. A man raped a child. Off to prison. No…wait…already out on bond. Maybe he’ll make it to court and then prison. Maybe not.
If Van Halen hadn’t flown out of town I’m sure he would have been arrested also.
The Van Halen concert was cancelled the other day and it seems as if he might have gotten involved in a brouhaha with some locals.
Does anyone around here even remember the 8 ball? Was it stolen back in 1999? I can barely remember anymore. Anyway, I think the owner found out he had stolen it back then, and Rapture wanted it back.
Now he is probably feeling a bit Black and Blue even though he is still Hot for Teacher. Next time he visits the Mean Streets of C-Ville he should try to Finish What he-ya Started, otherwise we might just send that Human Being to Panama so he can get some Poundcake. If you know what I mean.
I noticed a few of these showed up in the village in the past few days. Is this some sort of political campaign? Maybe this was a prelude to the Ralph Nader announcement. How long will it take the village to cover it with gray? I’d go with less than a week.
This face smiles at you as you walk from the mall to Belmont.
How many more of these are around? There is one over at Barracks Road Mall I’ve never noticed before. Did that just show up this weekend as well? Any other reports?
I wonder if the sketch artist or eyewitness watches American Idol…since there sure is a bit of a similarity between the possible Idol and the suspected robber.
Almost a mirror image!
Is it sweeps week? Must be. Stories involving husbands, prostitutes, and the web always show up at that time.
Virginia is #2 in frying people (aka death penalty). This guy will keep our numbers high. This guy won’t fry, but won’t be doing any BBQ’s in the near future.
Daily life in C-Ville. Not exactly a paradise.
I’m not sure if I should laugh or cry, but a store owner on the historic (tourist attraction/highlight of C-Ville/home of musical marshmallow/resting place of freedom wall) downtown mall had a pretty good business going in terms of drug deals. Dope, crack, bootleg DVD’s, guns…you name it.
What the story forgot to mention in the story is that the store (Sexshuns…should the name have raised eyebrows? How did the BAR ever approve that name next to kiddie places?) is about 100 feet from the Charlottesville Police Department. What is that old expression…keep your druggies close, but the police even closer.
The store overlooks the Freedom Wall. Is that funny? And the kiddie museum and carousel. And I’d be willing to be the security camera that overlooks the carousel might have some good footage…if they actually have that turned on.
Now…where is our downtown mall surveillance camera system? Bad boys, bad boys…whatcha gonna do.
Anyone else getting bored with the routine gunshots at the Outback Lodge? Why don’t they just use a flamethrower or grenade launcher? Seems to me that would solve the problem in one fell swoop. It always worked pretty well in the Alien flicks.
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