outskirts: life and times in charlottesville

We’ve had a bit of snow this year in C-Ville and the city likes to think it is doing a good job to help us citizens in this perfect town, but what are they doing to commuters? For some odd reason the city refuses to clear out the lanes where commuters park. They tell locals they can park in the parking ramps, and then bill them for it.

In this picture you can see the main road where hundreds of people park every single day. How many cars do you see? That’s right…none. Snow entirely covers ALL the parking for the downtown area.

Picture taken Tuesday evening…four days after our Friday storm.

On the weekend the city has been offering free parking in the ramps, but that always seems to end on Monday mornings. Apparently the city elders don’t care about this situation. They all have their parking spots in the ramps that the taxpayers pay for, and figure commuters will just park at Barrack’s Road Mall and spend 2 hours on a bus to get to their jobs downtown.

Several commuters told me that they have been talking with the city trying to get the free ramp times extended until the parking lanes are cleared. Apparently they don’t like that idea, since they don’t want the garage to become overly crowded (typically it is at 40% capacity during the day).

Others say that all the money they make during the day will be used to cover parking costs rather than feed their babies. They also can’t afford to pump any money into the local economy since they can’t buy food from local eateries.

Is this situation good for anyone? Local businesses are losing money, commuters are getting in extremely late which is destroying productivity, no one wants to shop on the mall, and the city is losing lots of money since police can’t write as many parking tickets.

Last night we had a dusting of snow. There are a few flakes out on the street and the city has declared a parking emergency so all streets are now a no parking zone, yet the ramps aren’t free. The economy will continue to crumble. There are rumors that this may be due to the tribal warfare that has started between the city and the surrounding county. C-Ville is trapped in enemy territory, and some think this might be a sneak attack at those that don’t live inside the sugar walls…but that story will be continued at a later time.

Village elders…listen to the public and make the parking ramps free until the streets are cleared. You can’t expect us to eat your tainted cake every single day (and babies don’t seem to like it either). And do you really want commuters to continue to crap when they see their daily parking options?

Update: Over the weekend the parking was free in the garages due to the 15 inch storm that started Friday. On Monday morning they began charging once again despite the fact that no streets had been cleared. On Tuesday at 1pm the parking ban (on streets which only have short term parking) started due to the storm of the day (a big 3 inches), and the garage became free again. On Wednesday at 2pm they started charging once again for the garage. As of Wednesday evening not a single parking spot on Garrett has been cleared. What are the chances the road will be cleared by tomorrow? Friday?

In recent months the ‘Kill Whitey’ graffiti artist has been enjoying their freedom of expression (I bet TJ would love to do a bottle of wine with him/her). Village elders used to take weeks to eradicate the paintings, but that improved with the most recent sketch.

Although I’m not a graffiti artist expert (although I have played one on TV), I think he/she may have been back at work during our recent snowstorm. This lovely art is now up on a building near the Avon Street Bridge where the historic buildings were bulldozed.

Zooming in a bit gives a great sense of the importance of the art.

Is the image trying to show sadness and despair for the destruction of history, or is the artist feeling suicidal due to the fact that his/her work continues to be erased from the planet? I guess that doesn’t really matter. All that matters is how long will it take the village to eradicate this latest artwork?

Although I had to kill a bear to stay warm, I managed to get back home after snapping a few photos. One thing of interest is the state of transit in the village. Things were still moving early in the afternoon, but not much seemed to be moving later.

I also found it fascinating to watch people just walk in the middle of the road (on main roads) and totally ignore the fact that vehicles are allowed to drive in the road. On several occasions motorist tried to explain this to people and voices became raised.

A few shots are here: Flickr 2010 Snowstorm

Here was the before/after on the transit station (1pm and 4pm).

Earlier story: C-Ville Snowpocalypse 2

C-Ville has been decimated by yet another blizzard to end all blizzards. In this photo you can see that only a few have ventured into the total whiteout situation.

View of downtown mall at 11 am

Whatever you do, stay inside. Single digit temperatures are sure to freeze locals to lampposts as they lick them (they never seem to learn around here).

Image of local who tried to lick this post at 8am this morning. He is still there (this reporter does news and never interferes with the circle of life.

I’m putting on my parka gear. If I survive the trip I might get a few snapshots posted later today. If not…may the wolves enjoy a good snack.

Also, for those that have read this far, you should note that the downtown mall has been converted to the main road through town. This is because it was plowed and no roads have been. Cars have also started parking on the mall since they can easily walk in to the three stores that have remained open. Most storefronts have just become smoker hangouts.

There is a chance of snow this weekend. Local authorities are urging you to get out now and buy your guns and beer. They remind you that these are the two key items to life.

Now go buy. Remember to never drink (more than two cases) and drive. The guy in this photo (I think it is TJ) is ready! Are you?

Local police and riot squads are preparing for an estimated 25,000 people that will be paying $50 to have their picture taken with a true American hero, Joe The (unlicensed) Plumber.

Be sure to stop by Arch’s Frozen Yogurt to have your picture taken. Local resident feel that he is the best representative for this region since he is so similar to Thomas Jefferson in philosophy and their long lasting sociopolitical importance. To top that off, they both enjoyed a few smokes (although TJ had his own “cigs” if you know what I mean).

There is a rumor that Joe might even drop by the downtown mall to try to get the fountains working once again.

Time to go beg for a few bucks so I can get my picture taken! See ya’ll there. Authorities suggest you use mass transit rather than drive due to lack of parking on the corner, and the potential for snow covered roads.

No, I’m not talking about response time to dealing with snow (although we may find out tonight when up to one inch may fall) – I’m talking about dealing with the ‘Kill Whitey’ graffiti artist here in C-Ville.

This one was first spotted on Tuesday morning, and at some point during the day of Thursday it was eradicated. It is now just a lovely gray rectangle.

Not only is a 48 hour turnaround impressive, it is even more amazing since it is cold as hell outside. How on Earth did the artist and the cover-up crew manage to paint with these extreme temperatures?

I wonder when the artist will strike once again. If anyone knows, feel free to pass it along. I’ll keep my frozen eyes peeled.

As we know, C-Ville is a place of friendliness and peace, especially during the holidays. That is why I’m wondering what exactly this graffiti means. It has been up on the lovely Garrett Road wall since the day before Thanksgiving. Hundreds of commuters see this every single day.

Here are my best guesses.

Kill Whitey is a new band in the area. We know how musical this place is (or should I say “think” they are..since DBM is really not music..it is crap). So, has anyone heard of Kill Whitey?

Whitey is in the kitchen with Mrs. Plumb playing with a candlestick, if you know what I mean. Someone is about to get killed.

Someone meant to write Bill Whitey, but they smoked a lot, so didn’t know how to spell their own first name.

Anyone else have a guess? I’m just wondering why it has taken so long to paint over this one. Probably everyone is so busy with the holidays that no one really cares who gets killed around here.

A look back at the wall: Frenchy, French Fried, Hoof Hearted, This Way is Better, and Smiley Face Gang.

Snow has blanketed the village. Residents have already cleared the shelves of all milk and bread. Toilet paper is almost gone and the price is now over $5/sheet. All school events have been canceled including sports and SAT Testing (I don’t need no stinkin’ testin’).

This photosimulation (they love that phrase around here) shows the downtown mall in front of the Wachovia Bank (click for full size image). The residents heard rumors there were cigarettes underneath this snowbank so will dig until their lungs give up. I’m betting they’ll be under the snowbanks shortly.

Between snow tires, flares on the side of the road, and begging for toilet paper, this is shaping up to be a very entertaining day.

Update: Photo of the trolley trying to navigate through the blizzard (from The Hook’s Webcam).

A Winter Storm Warning remains in effect until 7 PM EST this
evening.

Precipitation is expected to begin across the central and northern
Shenandoah Valley and Potomac Highlands around sunrise… and
spread into the central foothills soon thereafter. In the
mountains… the precipitation will start as snow. However… in the
central Shenandoah Valley… it should be a rain snow mix at
onset… and the precipitation likely will begin as rain around
Charlottesville and the central foothills.

Any rain will quickly change over to snow as cooler air is drawn
southeastward. Snow will become moderate to heavy during the late
morning and afternoon hours which may reduce visibilities to one
quarter mile or less. Snow will taper off early in the evening.

Snowfall totals of 5 to 8 inches are expected for areas along and
west of the Blue Ridge. The highest totals can be expected along
Skyline drive… where the cold air will reside the longest. Just
east of the Blue Ridge… snow accumulations of 4 to 6 inches can
be expected.

Temperatures are expected to fall into the lower 30s which will
lead to slippery roads.

A Winter Storm Warning means significant amounts of snow are
expected or occurring.

The ban has rapidly changed the mall. Chaos Law is now in effect. If you are smart you will avoid the mall at all costs.

Earlier in the day Kaine was rolling through town to promote the new law. I bumped into his shoulder and a few guys in black quickly took me to the ground. It was almost as good as the massage I had paid for earlier in the day. After he said hi to me he continued onward and talked with the local media:

Video from the Newsplex Overlords

Shortly after that things began to rapidly fall apart. The gorgeous mall has become engulfed in attacks for cigarettes by both man and beast. Men are even struggling to take back cigs from the beasts. As you can see in this photosimulation (the new term for picture here in town) the area just outside of CVS has become an intense struggle. The mall is in shambles and squirrels have rapidly mutated.

Charlottesville Downtown Mall shortly after smoking ban.

We all know how rambunctious the local squirrels are, and without being able to smoke in their favorite restaurants they have grown in both size and aggressiveness. In the photo you can see that several of the people that commonly sit outside our luxury hotel/CVS have taken down a squirrel that had taken a case from CVS. They may be safe for the moment, but there are both people and animals out there. Life, liberty and my cigarettes!

Holy crap…here comes a squirrel. OMG. Save me…ahhhhh…