For those that have missed the world of economics lately, everyone is losing money. One of the big losers lately has been the New York Times (as a matter of fact, you can’t even get on one the historic downtown mall on a Sunday). It seems they are so short on money that they were forced to come to C-Ville for a travel adventure. How the mighty have fallen.
The article is entitled “36 Hours in Charlottesville,” so of course the people from NYC have to fly in to town. As we know the, C-Ville airport is 5 miles outside of town. The article starts out,
ARRIVING in Charlottesville from the lush, rural Virginia countryside, you almost feel like you’ve stepped back into ancient Rome.
Did you all know the airport is considered lush countryside? I guess based on La Guardia standards you could call the podunk airport a rural landscape, but I’d still just call it a one strip airport just past the new strip malls out on 29.
The article continues and delves in to the cutting-edge architecture. Since when is something that was done hundreds of years ago considered cutting-edge? Perhaps they were referring to the Norcross Station apartments. Those brick boxes are pretty cutting edge. So are the new ones going up by the ACAC. Boxes baby…cheap and easy to build. I hear Jefferson really loved brick boxes.
At this point I’m wondering what village they are visiting, but I continue reading (I’ve always loved horror stories).
The town’s music scene, too, has served up megastars like the Dave Matthews Band and helped to launch the modern roots-rock wave.
This line left me laughing uncontrollably on the ground. Other than the Dump Crapshawvian Band (which was the only one mentioned by name), has anything come out of C-Ville? What root-rock wave? Is that referring to banjo-pickin Deliverance style? Or is the Dump Bowel Movement Band a wave all by itself? OK…I’m waiting for more megastars. Maybe I’m one for tapping my carrot on the granite floor. Is that roots-rock?
I continue reading. They refer to the Burger King quality wine of the state and how it has made it up to Mickey D standards. It seems Virginia has learned that when making wine you should keep the hot side hot, and the cold side cold, and never dump moonshine in to the wine. They rip on TJ since he could never make any good wine here in town.
We then go in to the fun that can be had in 36 hours.
3 p.m. Go the mall. The description in the article sounds like Boulder. I wonder if they went to the right city, or just looked up Boulder on wikipedia and stole a few lines. They discuss the restored historic brick buildings. I wonder if that refers to the dilapidated brick ones next to the (former) Wachovia bank. Blocks of bird shit covered buildings. Definitely historic.
For some reason they forgot to mention beggars, smokers, banjo-pickin bums that play the same four notes over and over again, and the endless torrent of screaming babies flinging poo.
4:30 p.m. (Note: They said the mall took a full 90 minutes. In reality it takes about 10.) Make the obligatory visit to Monticello. Guess they didn’t spend much time there, since I believe it closes at 5. Perhaps they just saw that on wikipedia also. After Monticello it was off to Ash Lawn. Snooze…I fell asleep at this point and couldn’t read the next 20 words.
9 p.m. Dinner at the C-Ville restaurant, the Clifton Inn. I’ll ignore the fact that this isn’t in C-Ville. They said it feels more like Kentucky. Is that a good thing? Maybe the moonshine continued to affect the reporter.
The next day the story continues. It is now Saturday. The first thing I’ll point out is that they missed the city market, the best thing in C-Ville (sarcasm inserted here). The 15 x 25 foot parking lot becomes a thriving metropolis where women trade beads and beans, babies cry, and the Virginny accent makes people incomprehensible.
8 a.m. Wander around UVA. They point out that the color of buildings is like a polished Army shoe. I’ll be honest, I’ve never heard anyone refer to UVA with that phrase. I feel like I just watched Wag the Dog and saw shoes hanging around.
The reporter spent a full two hour at UVA. Hmm…the tours take one hour, parking takes 30 minutes, and finding the starting location of the tours takes 45 minutes. Maybe tours were shortened since they were still looking for “the Corner Killer” that day.
10 a.m. Off to the Aboriginal Art Collection. That was actually good, although it really isn’t related to C-Ville in any way. When I went there I was the only one in the building other than the guard at the door. It is rather relaxing.
1 p.m. The reporter then heads out for two hours of wine touring. They went to Culpepper. I will once again point out that this is not in C-Ville. It is not even close. With driving times thrown in, I’d say the reporter did one glass of wine and then drove back to the village.
3 p.m. Drive around the back roads and see the Waltons. OK…nothing personal, but does C-Ville like the Waltons? Did they live here in town? Ugh. The fact that this area is still considered the showcase for The Waltons and the glory of those days is sad.
7 p.m. Pallidio for dinner. Once again, not in C-Ville, and I can’t afford to go there, so I can’t comment on it. The reporter ate a poor little quail that was shot that day, topped with a corn cake.
10 p.m. Finally back, in C-Ville. The reporter heads to Miller’s because…ta da… Mr. Dave “Dumping” Matthews tended bar there. The story says it is a great place for grungy bands. If grungy means 6 pack a day I’d agree. I’m sure the reporter was forced to smoke, since it is required there. It hurts my lungs just jogging by the place. I even saw a parent teaching their 4th grader how to smoke at the outdoor seating the other day. Now that is C-Ville at its finest.
The reporter probably tried to head home at 1am but found their car locked in the parking garage which closes before all the bars and restaurants do. If the reporter had parked on the street on “the other side of the tracks” they would only have gotten a ticket, which I’m sure could have been billed to the paper. I bet they’ll learn on their next journey down here.
Sunday morning has arrived. After avoiding church traffic the reporter heads to the hills.
9 a.m. Shenandoah National Park. The reporter says,
Shenandoah’s Skyline Drive seems more like Los Angeles at rush hour.
That is pretty funny! They forgot to point out that it is always in the top ten most polluted parks in the country.
The author spent 2 hours getting from C-Ville, to the Skyline drive, and back to town. They clearly drive much faster than I do and didn’t get out of the car.
11 a.m. Bluegrass Grill and Bakery.
Not much nouveau cuisine here.
Once again, that line cracks me up. The reporter discusses the biscuits which each have an “entire stick of butter” in them. They point out you’ll probably sit around for ages waiting for one of the three tables to open up.
And that was it. The reporter then headed back to NYC. Something tells me he was thanking some deity as he got to climb back on the plane and get out of this area.
Now, what does all this cost for a couple to visit C-Ville for 36 hours? The reporter kept us informed along the way.
Airfare: $1000
Hotel: $410 (two nights)
Dinner: $150
Wine: $10
Dinner: $200
Brunch: $35
Total: $1805 (which is just $50.13/hour)
A few miscellaneous expenses were left out, so I’m guess places like Miller’s provided some free booze and snacks so they would get mentioned in the article.
What did I learn from this story? Price of 36 hours in C-Ville…$1805. Reading through the sarcasm infused in the article…priceless.
I think I’ll do a travel article about 36 hours in C-Ville for $5/day, so stay tuned…
