outskirts: life and times in charlottesville

There is the old expression about dancing with two left feet, and a movie called My Left Foot, but Canada is dealing with far more than that. They are now up to six feet kicking around on the beaches (that is 2 yards here in America, a bit under 2 meters up there in Canada).

A few days ago when it got to five feet I predicted that copycat feet would start appearing. Seems as if some other feet were feeling left out and wanted their five minutes of fame.

Is there an over/under in Vegas for how many they’ll find in the next year? What about odds that two of the feet are related? When will the TV movie come out? Can I be the director?

And speaking of movies, I can’t believe how hot Vanessa Redgrave was in Blow-Up.

So does Madison Avenue cause you to think of NYC where they have shootings and all that other big city stuff? Well…here in the village we also have an avenue with that name. And we also have the shootings. If you know anything about them, contact the authorities. I run through that intersection every time I run.

For a real crime you may want to think more about the city and how much it plans to spend to analyze if we need a trolley system. We also have to debate raising utility rates and increasing speeding fines. So much time thinking, no time doing. Didn’t TJ die bankrupt with a few hos? Are we living in his image?

It is not even summer yet, but I’d say this is the worst summer ever here in this cesspool. The daily heat, drought, and smoke is so anti-motivational.

Update: I almost forgot to mention that more than 40 local criminals were busted the other day in a criminal sweep. Also, 17k has already been spent thinking about a trolley (of course that doesn’t include human time).

Trees are down in the village which have shut down the major north/south highway through town. At a local middle school there has been an ‘incident.’ It might be a shooting. It might be a stabbing. It doesn’t sound like something the tribal elders want to promote.

As always…wind blows, power goes.

As for a good “oh my,” it seems there are no jobs for people in this puny little village. Another thing elders don’t want to talk about. People that are here are trapped (trees and such), and sane people don’t want to move here.

I wonder what the penalty for the “failure to yield” (to a bicyclist) ticket will be. Every cyclist I know in this village has at least been clipped by a car.

I still haven’t forgotten when a nurse decided to do a turn on red but not notice me (on a bike) passing through the green light. I enjoyed leaping on to the hood of the car and clinging to the gap between the hood and the front window as she locked up the brakes, and losing grip just in time to land on a lawn.

Staring at a nurse while clinging to the hood was such a Hollywood moment for me.

As the temperature goes up so goes the crime. A double shooting last night. One dead, one injured. A separate incident involved a poor markswoman. If you can’t hit your target, don’t use a gun…oh wait…never mind…just shoot for fun!

C-Ville is such a great city. After all, we are the healthiest city in the United States (according the the tribal elders). I’m pretty sure gun wounds aren’t included in health stats at the local level.

The long weekend rolls along. I’ll be heading out to go buy a flapper (toilet version…not that other kind) at Lowes (if they are open) in a few moments, but wanted to wrap up the holiday weekend stories.

We seem to love dog fights here in Vickginia. This fight doesn’t really sound like it was fair. Two and a half pounds for a dog? Is that really a dog? Most of the rats I see around here are in that weight class in. Did Vick take a leave of absence over the weekend?

On holiday weekends many people end up going to oriental restaurants since many others close. Seems as if even the armed robbers take the same approach.

On Sunday morning I noticed the nice old lady at the bus station waiting for her ride to church. I wonder if she is still waiting there this morning. One of the big problems is that a large percentage of the population can’t read, as is evident by driving around here. Word such as stop, no turn on red, yield, proceed with caution, and no parking are beyond understanding. By shutting down service it shows what a good thing it was to spend millions and millions on a bus station.

Side note: It was hard deciding on a title for this post. I went with the one I did to point out that one of the heroes of this commonwealth (VA is not a state) is the legendary dog fighter Michael Vick. The other one I considered was “The Dingo Ate My Baby,” but that one can probably be used next time UVA swaps a baby at the hospital. Then I’ll go with the title of “The Dingo Switched My Baby.” One of these days.

I’ve taken lots of snapshots here in town over the years of a smiley face that keeps appearing on walls. The tribal elders usually get things painted over in a matter of days to weeks. I’d always referred to those responsible for this activity as the Smiley Face Gang.

It seems as if this might not be that far from the truth. It seems as if “Smiley face killers” may be stalking college men. In the investigation of forty drowning deaths at least 12 creepy smiley faces were found where bodies were put in rivers and lakes.

Should local students be worried? Should they stay away from water? Are these faces creepy enough?

 
Snapshots of smiley face graffiti in Charlottesville.

A woman. A sunny Sunday afternoon. A semi-automatic pistol. A guy walking in to her house, pointing a semi-automatic pistol in her face, and demanding her money.

Sounds like a perfect day in the perfect city.

“The Fire” is one of those great historical stories from here at UVA where tradition runs deep (TJ and his ho house for instance). It seems that during the evening the festivities got out of control and fireworks almost burned down a few apartment complexes. Has a new tradition was started? I guess the students were lucky they didn’t do any burning down (of) the house. There is always next year.

As Harry the C-Ville mascot would say, “Only you can prevent fires due to fireworks.”

Speaking of Harry, did you notice how much our newly appointed mascot resembles Mr. Butts. Hmm…Virginnies breeding a tobacco plant with a pig…almost makes sense. Anyway, I’m sure we’ll hear more from Harry the C-Ville mascot in the future.

Who remembers last spring/summer when people were getting beat up by gangs, and at least one gun got fired in the downtown area every weekend? Those were the days.

One of the lose bullets went through a window next to South Street Brewery, and it still hasn’t been repaired. For quite awhile the hole was covered by a Obama sign. I really don’t know what the symbolism is. The sign came down this weekend. I wonder if that part is symbolic of the end of this democratic draw.