outskirts: life and times in charlottesville

We’ve had a bit of snow this year in C-Ville and the city likes to think it is doing a good job to help us citizens in this perfect town, but what are they doing to commuters? For some odd reason the city refuses to clear out the lanes where commuters park. They tell locals they can park in the parking ramps, and then bill them for it.

In this picture you can see the main road where hundreds of people park every single day. How many cars do you see? That’s right…none. Snow entirely covers ALL the parking for the downtown area.

Picture taken Tuesday evening…four days after our Friday storm.

On the weekend the city has been offering free parking in the ramps, but that always seems to end on Monday mornings. Apparently the city elders don’t care about this situation. They all have their parking spots in the ramps that the taxpayers pay for, and figure commuters will just park at Barrack’s Road Mall and spend 2 hours on a bus to get to their jobs downtown.

Several commuters told me that they have been talking with the city trying to get the free ramp times extended until the parking lanes are cleared. Apparently they don’t like that idea, since they don’t want the garage to become overly crowded (typically it is at 40% capacity during the day).

Others say that all the money they make during the day will be used to cover parking costs rather than feed their babies. They also can’t afford to pump any money into the local economy since they can’t buy food from local eateries.

Is this situation good for anyone? Local businesses are losing money, commuters are getting in extremely late which is destroying productivity, no one wants to shop on the mall, and the city is losing lots of money since police can’t write as many parking tickets.

Last night we had a dusting of snow. There are a few flakes out on the street and the city has declared a parking emergency so all streets are now a no parking zone, yet the ramps aren’t free. The economy will continue to crumble. There are rumors that this may be due to the tribal warfare that has started between the city and the surrounding county. C-Ville is trapped in enemy territory, and some think this might be a sneak attack at those that don’t live inside the sugar walls…but that story will be continued at a later time.

Village elders…listen to the public and make the parking ramps free until the streets are cleared. You can’t expect us to eat your tainted cake every single day (and babies don’t seem to like it either). And do you really want commuters to continue to crap when they see their daily parking options?

Update: Over the weekend the parking was free in the garages due to the 15 inch storm that started Friday. On Monday morning they began charging once again despite the fact that no streets had been cleared. On Tuesday at 1pm the parking ban (on streets which only have short term parking) started due to the storm of the day (a big 3 inches), and the garage became free again. On Wednesday at 2pm they started charging once again for the garage. As of Wednesday evening not a single parking spot on Garrett has been cleared. What are the chances the road will be cleared by tomorrow? Friday?

Local police and riot squads are preparing for an estimated 25,000 people that will be paying $50 to have their picture taken with a true American hero, Joe The (unlicensed) Plumber.

Be sure to stop by Arch’s Frozen Yogurt to have your picture taken. Local resident feel that he is the best representative for this region since he is so similar to Thomas Jefferson in philosophy and their long lasting sociopolitical importance. To top that off, they both enjoyed a few smokes (although TJ had his own “cigs” if you know what I mean).

There is a rumor that Joe might even drop by the downtown mall to try to get the fountains working once again.

Time to go beg for a few bucks so I can get my picture taken! See ya’ll there. Authorities suggest you use mass transit rather than drive due to lack of parking on the corner, and the potential for snow covered roads.

Today was the day. Indoor smoking has been banned. Locals are in a state of shock. Many are out rampaging on the streets (but run out of breath after 1/2 a block). Miller’s is drawing up the paperwork for bankruptcy. Rumor has it they will then reopen as a private smoking club (similar to Kramer’s smoking club…and we know how that turned out).

So what can be done about this. A lot. Some bars (such as Miller’s and all the Hoo-bars) are contemplating velvet ropes with a big smoking bouncer. As patrons line up the only ones allowed in will be the ones that finish at least 3 cigs in less than 20 minutes. That is considered a good pace for real smokers. You’ll get in even faster and get VIP treatment if you crawl around on the ground to find a few butts and smoke three of those.

Others plan to just light up anyway. Rumor has it you’ll get a free beer at Miller’s for every nine $25 smoking violation tickets you get. Just like the punch cards for a free cup of coffee.

However, most (approximately 38% of the C-Ville residents are smokers) of the local are just going to become subservient to the socialist government and no longer smoke inside. Said one person at Rapture late one night, “I figure I’ll go out for a smoke and take a piss while I’m at it. It saves me a trip to the restroom.”

Wow. This will be interesting!

The big question for the few that don’t smoke is when will all restaurants start making their patios smoke-free. Several already do this. The Local is number one. No smoking. Fabulous (for the few that don’t smoke). Bang banned smoking on the back patio. Hamiton’s banned smoking on their outdoor tables two years ago! Will anyone else join in?

If a coffee shop would go smoke-free I’d say LaTaza is the best option, but I don’t see it happening, since some eat at the BBQ place across the street before getting coffee. BBQ eaters need to smoke as they choke on a long segment of cartilage. MudHouse attracts all the 15 year old wanna-be goths who smoke a pack while away from mommy, so they can’t ban the puffs. Guess the few non-smokers will be waiting for awhile.

If I’m not taken down by the rampaging crowds I’ll try to post a few updates later in the day.

Now that this pointless midterm election has ended can we please stop political advertisements for at least a week?

Virginia voters made it to the polls in record numbers (as in low numbers…not high) and got rid of the evil-minded democrats. Sanity is back in the South!!!

The best part is that Bobby McD is now in power as the governor. We can now get rid of all those annoying women in the workplace, ban divorce, penalize singles, insure that contraceptives won’t be sold in this commonwealth, and of course get rid of the homosexuals^*.

Bobby is so Virginia. And he was so much slicker than that Deeds dude (if you know what I mean). The rise of the South is back baby (with ribs).

In a drastic change in policy the city elders have decided it is time to shake things up a bit. Garrett Street is where almost all commuters who work on the downtown mall park. This has been the case for years. Due to excessive crime in the area it became a no parking zone from 9pm-5am (although the city likes to deny the crime but could never explain the reason for the parking ban at those hours). That 9pm cutoff was brutal on the local dining spots, since everyone wanted to leave early. On the other hand, it was great for local law enforcement in terms of income.

Two hour parking is about to become law.

In the past few days a number of the 9am-5pm signs began to vanish. Were they being stolen? Did they just need some fresh paint? Well, today the new signs began to appear. It won’t make the local commuters happy.

The 9pm-5am No Parking sign is gone.

The commuter area is now going to be two hour parking during the workday (plus Saturday). An anonymous elder claims that this will bring more foot traffic to the mall and thus greater income for all Crapshaw-based businesses. People will only have two hours to pop in, buy, and leave. That is the theory. In reality thought, this will be the end of the C-Ville world as we know it.

A large number of people will become employed as car rotators, and entire businesses may take “moving minutes” every two hours to do a quick shift of a dozen cars. Two feet forward, one foot back.

The good news is that you’ll now be able to stay out late for dinner without having to worry about parking. Of course, your car might have a broken window or be entirely gone when you get back. How long will it be before people are brave enough to park overnight? That should be interesting.

These were the signs during construction, when some got buried.

An anonymous source says this is only the first step. Two hour parking meters are most likely to go in next spring. Two hours will cost you $2. The source is really hoping that commuters start using the parking ramps, which typically reach 65% of capacity during a typical day.

The next week or so might get a bit rowdy. I wonder if the YouTube footage of the C-Ville outrage and riots will get international coverage? OK…get to it people..raise some hell. Or else just give in and move your car every two hours.

Update: The following information has been sent to me. A parking report can be downloaded, along with a petition form. The following statement was received from Tipster S.

The only way we’re going to get our parking back (and keep the parking we have) is to call the City and complain (See contact below).

Contact person:
Donovan Branche
Assistant Traffic Engineer
(434) 970-3182
branche @ charlottesville . org

From a loyal reader:

Do the police routinely allow TV news vans to park illegally in Charlottesville? This evening I saw two WVIR vans parked illegally. One was on the brick of the Mall near the skating rink. The van was blocking the curb ramp at the crosswalk on Water St. A photo of that van is now on The Hook’s blog. The other one was on a side street just off of the Downtown Mall. That van is in the attached photo. It was parked right next to a sign reading, “No Parking -Fire Lane -Tow Away Zone”.

Cordially,

Kevin Cox

Photo provided by K. Cox

I actually ran past the one that was pictured in the Hook’s blog and I almost tripped on the long cable that stretched from the van to the reporter. Of course I’m not going to complain since the reporter was cute

But seriously…I’ve never seen news vehicles obey any parking laws. The village wants good PR, so they let news vans park with no issues. Gotta keep the hand that feeds you clean (or some saying along those lines).

Nothing quite like Lee-Jackson Day. Right? Virginia is so proud of its own private holiday.

Many are still pissed at Reagan who made VA add MLK to the holiday. It then became Lee-Jackson-King Day. Notice which names came first.

Eventually, as a powerful southern smoking state, we managed to separate the holidays so everyone can celebrate their own.

Tipster K has a new mission, eradicate one source of trash from the village. Can it be done? I’m guessing no. It is equivalent to bringing sanity to the village, and we know that is impossible.

Littering is a problem and a crime in Charlottesville. Some of the biggest offenders are the sanitation workers who can’t seem to get all the trash from the cans and recycling bins into the trucks. They also routinely drop the trash stickers from the cans onto the streets. I know that some people now don’t bother to buy trash stickers. They just re-use the stickers that are left in the street.

This is your problem, not mine so I am going to bring it to you. I have begun to collect the trash that is left behind by the sanitation workers. If I am not convinced that you are getting this fixed I will bring the collected trash to a City Council meeting and dump it on your desk. I am sick and tired of coming home and finding garbage on my sidewalk that belongs in a sanitation truck.

– Sent to the city by Tipster K (including photos below).

Even I have posted a few trash shots on occasion.

This morning the mall rebricking project began. The city has vowed the entire mall will be done by May Day. The last time some rebricking was done it took about two years to do half a block. This project is vastly larger. I’m predicting August based on Day 1 and historical evidence.

First brick being attacked with a hammer.

Five hours later a few dozen bricks were gone.

Here in Virginia we went for a blue President for the first time in a billion years (approximately). When walking away from the voting booth the helpers always offer you one of those little “I voted” stickers. In downtown C-Ville they had two options: the traditional little flag, and one that had the full blown Obama logo on it.

What happened to the law that you couldn’t wear any promotional material inside the polling station? Perhaps just “holding” the stickers in your hand doesn’t count as wearing. Oh well. As we know, elections are always a little fishy around here. How else could the devil have sat in office for a few years (I miss the devil).