outskirts: life and times in charlottesville

Seems as if C-Ville is debating if they want a 4th sister city. Would you really want to be associated with a city that has been debating what to do about its water supply for decades, and has now decided to do nothing since we are bankrupt? We sure will be thirsty. I hope the other city accepts our refugees.

One of our other sisters is Bulgarian. Seems as if C-Ville wants to be a “democratic liberator” for that town. I can’t wait to see what happens when we teach them how to piss off all the locals by getting rid of their softball fields.

I could go on about how civilized this village is, but that would force me to ignore the fun things that happen such as stabbings in front of the basket supply store in our fancy mall, or multiple shootings at the U Heights (is that a new TV series?). I’d continue with the jump in moped thefts, the reduction in quarterbacks, and the confessions of the Sex-shuns (I think that was a band), but I’ve lost all my energy.

(Charlottesville News Corp) U of Virginny decided to ban signs at all campus events, and an unfortunate incident occurred during the first football game of the year.

Apparently no one had told the cheerleaders or the horse that signs were banned. The local enforcement officers were on the scene and took the proper actions. The cheerleaders were arrested, and the main sign leader will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Drugs were used to get a full confession out of the horse.

Authorities have decided to not euthanize the horse, but it will no longer be allowed to work in C-Ville. Rumor has it that horse will do some hair dyeing and take a new job where it can carry a Seminole in to football games.

One fan said rather bluntly, “College football isn’t really college football anymore.”

Several photos were acquired both before and after the mayhem.

Why has it taken the village 40 years to build a 2 mile long road? Why did they need to go through a park to build the road? Has no one been able to think coherently in this village in all these years?

It is now scheduled to begin in two years. Anyone want to bet it won’t happen until 2014 at the earliest?

I bet TJ would have built the road rather quickly…and used really cheap labor.

Hot or not? Hot.

Did anyone catch The Daily Show this evening? Good old Goode got ridiculed for driving around in a hummer on the 4th of July while listening to constituents complain about the cost of gas. “I’m Virgil Mother F*cking Goode and I’ll make it rain,” was his tagline. Very funny. Goode was compared to Lil’ Wayne. Rappers or Republicans.

The nice part is that Charlottesville was in a big bold font at the bottom of the screen. All publicity is good publicity. Right monkey boy?

Does this all fit in with C-Ville having the most expensive gas in the state? Will C-Ville tribal elders promote this one?

The 4th of July is here. Bush will be landing soon. Rumor has it he’ll be landing at Monticello High School, and you had better not be at school doing any research or anything else (such as enjoying a morning Breakfast Club).

The authorities won’t announce the exact roads will be closed, but they are shutting down two roads that are the ways to get to downtown from the hills beyond Monticello (such as the lake) without doing a 2 hour tour for what should be a 20 minute trip. Good thing gas is so cheap.

Locals have claimed they will protest, but I have a feeling it will be three people, since locals talk but don’t really act. Talk, and talk, and talk…they love that.

I’m going to go run. I hope I don’t get shot.

George Carlin (1937-2008)

Seems as if these places on the “historic” downtown mall are breaking the law. Can you spot your favorite place?

Perhaps all the signs should just get stuck on the Freedom Wall (aka porno wall). Is this sign legal, or should it also be on the wall?

So does Madison Avenue cause you to think of NYC where they have shootings and all that other big city stuff? Well…here in the village we also have an avenue with that name. And we also have the shootings. If you know anything about them, contact the authorities. I run through that intersection every time I run.

For a real crime you may want to think more about the city and how much it plans to spend to analyze if we need a trolley system. We also have to debate raising utility rates and increasing speeding fines. So much time thinking, no time doing. Didn’t TJ die bankrupt with a few hos? Are we living in his image?

It is not even summer yet, but I’d say this is the worst summer ever here in this cesspool. The daily heat, drought, and smoke is so anti-motivational.

Update: I almost forgot to mention that more than 40 local criminals were busted the other day in a criminal sweep. Also, 17k has already been spent thinking about a trolley (of course that doesn’t include human time).

This summer has sucked every bit of life out of me this year. The past long four day weekend had record temperatures. So much life was sucked out of me that I forgot to mention the story from a few week ago where the city did some yanking of a yurt.

The city was debating spending $10,000 so a woman could put a yurt on her property. Put me in that situation and just send me off to the soylent green factory, or maybe Carousel.

As we all know, yanking the yurt is a fun thing…right? The city does it, so it must be fun. Anyone remember when the Daily Regress used to have article titles next to pictures that gave readers a good laugh? I wonder what picture should have gone next to the words, “City Hall has yanked the yurt.” Hmm.

Maybe I should give up yanking the yurt…would that give me more motivation?